I sat down and wrote this on Father’s Day 2016. Trust me; this was not planned nor was it intended to have meaning for the day, although it does.
A week ago, on June 12, 2016, I woke up like a typical Sunday morning. My wife, son, and I would get ready and head to the 11:00 AM church service. While filming, my wife said very quietly. “Did you see about the shooting?” I blinked and tried to orient myself when I woke up. “No,” I mumbled and looked at my phone. I started scrolling and scrolling and kept scrolling as every news app on my phone had sent notifications early in the morning. All I saw were words, and my stomach felt like it might throw up. “Shots,” Over 30 dead, “42 dead, 36 injured,” Gay club, “and I stopped and turned off the phone.
Although I am a news junkie, I did something that no one who knows me would believe. I turned off my phone, started dressing for church, and charged up to go out. I did not look at an article, nor could I see the news. Nothing.
Physically, I couldn’t force myself to watch a news article or turn on any news stations. I couldn’t read another article that described and explained the “new” American mass shooting. My Facebook “Cover Photo” is still set to “Enough” in memory of the San Bernardino shootings, for God’s sake.
It wasn’t until I got home from church 3 hours later that I looked down and saw my phone say, “50 dead, 51 injured in Orlando.” My heart ached like never before.
I looked back at my son, watching the cars go by and dancing to the music that was playing on the radio. I let out a sigh and my wife, who was driving, asked what was wrong. I murmured: “50 dead, 51 wounded.” But it was what happened next that hit the mark. My wife looked at herself in the review mirror and began to spell out, “THE MASS SHOT in Orlando?” And I nodded. I looked at my son, three years old and ready as a whip.
Although I have a 95% book ready to be published, and a blog in which I have not published in more than a week, from last Sunday to this Sunday, I did not write a word. Not with pencil and paper, on my phone or on a keyboard,
Why? Physically I could not recover. The words that I wanted to write, I couldn’t conjure up and get out. The words he needed were repressed beneath many swirling feelings, thoughts, questions, and sentences.
It was not a revolutionary achievement, but it was for me. I realized while sitting with my wife spelling out “Mass Shooting”, of a reality of the country in which I live. I’m not ignoring my home or speaking ill of my home in the least, but it was something I never imagined I’d have to prepare for growing up. It was something I never expected to be required of parenthood in 2016 in the United States of America.
When I was little, the biggest “talk” I had was with my dad in Red River, New Mexico, overlooking a little creek, where he explained, oh you know, “Birds and Bee’s.” But driving home a week ago, I realized that I would have one more “talk” that my father didn’t have to have with me. “Mass shootings”.
I started to think more and wonder. “Am I making it up?” Then I realized that I was not. No way. It was a talk that he would need to have at some point, or else there would be more confusion and panic in the future. Because with any of these “talks” it is about reducing shock, explaining the subject correctly to reduce clutter and make it “normal” even if it is more out of the ordinary.
How can you turn the “talk” of the birds and the bees into the subject of “mass shootings”?
Although my father had the overwhelming task of explaining sex to his son in a way that made sense, he explained how it worked and answered any questions that might come up (dad did great by the way). I realized that I received one more “talk” that will be necessary. I will need to find out what age is “appropriate” to explain how in our country, from time to time, one, or maybe two, people obtain heavy weapons and kill many people.
Excusez moi?
Don’t be offended, but if you ask me, that’s a horrible end to the deal, but, for those scratching their heads and wondering if I’m into anything, welcome to 2016. I guarantee I’m not the only person my age. . having the same realization that first, we had to explain to our children about “school shootings”, and then “theater shootings”, and now we have progressed to just “mass shootings”. Without rhyme or reason. It can be day or night. A gay club or a hospital for the underprivileged. No logic or red flags. But know that it will happen unless there are significant changes. Reality? I’ll say it again: Welcome to 2016.
What age? At what age do I sit down with my son and begin to explain this issue and build a fictional moral landscape? Digging deeper and trying to explain that some people are very confused. And explaining exactly how these people can kill such a large number of individuals. Now that part is done and explained. But the hardest part? Follow-up questions. Questions that a young, vibrant and inquisitive mind will conjure up of which most cannot be “ready” or prepared.
“Why do they do that?”
“Why isn’t anyone stopping them?”
“How do they get a weapon to do that?”
“Can’t someone sell you that gun?”
“Where will the next one be?”
“Did they kill children?”
“Did they kill moms and dads?”
“Did they kill the grandparents?”
“Do we have a weapon?”
“Why do people need weapons?”
Trust me, this is a small list and is just the tip of the iceberg of “possible” questions. And to be honest, I don’t have the faintest idea how to answer one of those questions. I won’t even fake it. Why?
Because I can’t answer them myself.
I know how I’d love to answer you, but it’s not even remotely the country we live in. It should be very clear, but it is not. At least we haven’t made it clear. We as Americans have made it more difficult than it should be.
I will not dare to extract data, statistics and rhetoric that you can find in hundreds of thousands of places directly after a mass shooting. But, I leave you with a question that I hope will give you a seed.
Do we want to continue growing a country that in 2016 a parent of a three-year-old has to decide and find out what age is “appropriate” to explain what a “Mass Shooting” is? That there is no “Gun Control”, and what should you do if, God forbid, you are in an active shooting situation?
Today that is not being “dramatic” or in some way “overreacting.” No. That’s being an involved, informed parent and preparing your child for what awaits outside your front door.
Maybe … Just maybe … Is enough finally enough? Let’s do something with the weapons. Nobody needs a gun that can kill 50 people in less than five minutes. That is not right”; that’s crazy.