The incredible truth is that within the pathology of sexual offenders they do not have beliefs that reflect the moral and ethical values of society. Due to the innocence of the child and the trust of the abuser, pressure or violence is usually not required. Thus, sex offenders can state unequivocally, “Never ever. I could never harm a child or anyone. It’s not in my heart. It’s not who I am.” Michael Jackson 1993.
Sex offenders usually pass lie detector tests. They do not feel any internal conflict with what they have done. Their moral and ethical values do not reflect the standards on which the test is based. If you have the slightest cause for concern, trust your intuition and seek professional intervention. Trusting and acting on your intuition or sixth sense is critical to protecting children from sexual offenders.
When your intuitive sixth sense has been activated regarding danger, it can be identified through physiological changes. The most common are:
o Increased heart rate
o A feeling that the blood is draining / cold fever
o sweaty palms
goosebumps
o Nervousness/anxiety
or butterflies in the stomach
o Feeling sick/hollow in the stomach
o A general feeling of restlessness
Also, your intuition is at work when you experience:
o Confusion regarding a person’s actions
o Bothersome/persistent thoughts: ‘What’s going on?’
or hesitation
or general suspicion
or Apprehension
or fear
or Doubt
or a hunch
o Curiosity regarding a person’s actions or statements.
o Questions about a person’s proclamation that is not substantiated by their actions.
Although the process of intuition can protect us from danger, it is only as effective as we pay attention to the warning signs. Understandably, no one wants to believe that their spouse or anyone they trust would harm, let alone sexually abuse, a child. However, the reality is that the overwhelming majority of children are sexually abused by their father, followed statistically in this abuse by uncles or grandparents. Stepfathers who abuse their stepchildren make up the third largest percentage of sex offenders.
If you don’t pay attention to your intuitive signals, then you will accept its diabolical competitor, the denial process. Denial protects us from what we don’t want to know. Denial removes the discomfort of accepting the horrible reality we don’t want to acknowledge. As with intuition, denial generates recognizable signals. If you detect these signals within yourself, you can stop and ask yourself a powerful and powerful question: “What am I keeping myself from knowing?”
Signs of denial:
o Accept the person’s explanation of their behavior rather than their intuition
o Minimize what you know to be true
o Justifying someone’s behavior
o Rationalize someone’s behavior
o Refuse to believe what you know to be true
or make excuses
One mother recalled her four-year-old daughter’s behavior when she came home from running errands with her father. He had bought her a stuffed rabbit, nothing unusual. This mother was shocked when her daughter threw the rabbit on the ground and said, “I don’t want a rabbit.” This behavior was not characteristic; she loved stuffed animals. “It’s wrong?” this mother asked.
Upon questioning her, she discovered that her daughter was upset because her father asked her to “do something” to be rewarded with a toy. This mother questioned the meaning of ‘do something’. [She refused to accept her daughter’s statement as merely a moody child’s statement.] Her daughter couldn’t explain what she meant. Fortunately, her mother did not deny this seemingly innocuous incident and conversation. She continued to investigate, even though her husband’s casual explanation of her daughter’s rejection of the stuffed toy was just a cranky child. [She did not accept her husband’s explanation about the situation opposed to her intuition.] He kept his intuitive antenna alert for several weeks. Finally, she discovered to her surprise and horror that her husband was sexually touching and fondling her daughter.
A woman reported seeing her father (her perpetrator) kissing his one-year-old niece in the pubic area after his niece took a bath. “I got sick to my stomach, is this sexual abuse?” she asked. I don’t know if I’m exaggerating [refusal to believe her intuitive signal–feeling sick to the stomach–was valid.] You probably don’t know that what you’re doing is wrong. [excuse-making]. He probably thinks he’s just being affectionate. [justification]. If I say something, they will say that I am exaggerating and causing problems. [rationalizing]. I’ve always been called the troublemaker in the family. I don’t want to be the troublemaker” [Justification].
A 39-year-old client who sought therapy due to a severe panic attack recalled being petted by a “good man” who was a family friend. “He stroked my chest really fast, so it can’t be a problem.” [minimizing].” She told her mother at the time, her mother said, “I probably didn’t mean to touch you [excuse making].”
One mother recalled a “tickling” game her husband played with their 3-year-old son. Her husband took off his clothes except for his underpants. He instructed the son to tickle his father’s nipples while he straddled his father’s bare stomach. The object of the game was to make his dad laugh. “I feel nauseated when I see it. Is this sexual abuse what she asked?” [refusal to believe what her intuition is telling her]?” “Besides, what can I do, [justification] it’s just my word against yours [rationalization]? What if he means no harm? [excuse-making]?” “Maybe he doesn’t know that he will hurt our son [excuse-making].”
If you witness touching that seems inappropriate for your child, but you feel guilty that your perception may be inaccurate. [refusal to accept one’s perception]trust yourself.
Last but not least, no matter how confident you are in your ability to spot a sex offender, you should take one final precaution. Periodically check on your child when someone is with him or her. If your spouse is dressing, bathing, or putting your child to bed, casually walk into the room. Note if your spouse acts surprised, taken by surprise, or generally unsettled that she walked into the room unannounced. Follow this unannounced visitation procedure regardless of who is caring for your child at any time. Watch for surprise reactions, being caught off guard, or general discomfort in response to her presence. Above all, trust your intuition.