Have you ever thought about whether it is possible to remarry your ex-spouse? As a child, I always enjoyed watching “The Parent Trap.” Hayley Mills plays two twin girls who discover they are sisters at camp and manage to put their parents back together. They are sure that all they have to do is take them to the same room, the sparks will fly and everyone will live happily ever after. Hilarity results when girls plan and manipulate their clueless parents into getting together.
Sparks fly, first of irritation, then of longing, and finally of affection. The movie ends with a beautiful wedding, and audiences must assume that Mom and Dad did find eternal happiness with each other, thanks to their children.
This movie is a timeless classic because it tells the reality that all children of divorced parents secretly long for their parents to get back together. Therefore, it is necessary for adults to be very careful when deciding to remarry or even date, especially when their children are involved. Sadly, studies show that around 65% of new ex-spouse marriages end in divorce again. You can easily remember Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton as a famous example. But then a study of Elizabeth Taylor’s need to keep marrying and then divorcing almost as quickly is the subject of another article.
On the subject of remarrying your ex: If this applies to you, or if you know someone who is considering this, here are 5 points to ponder.
• Identify the culprit; that is the very reason for the separation. What was the cause of your separation? Does that problem still exist? Can you both admit failure on your part in the marriage? These things are never one-sided; it’s time for both of you to take your share of responsibility.
• Review and evaluate your reasons for remarriage. Deep down, are you doing this to make your children happy, do you feel lonely and enjoy the familiarity, or do you have a hard time coping on your own? If the answer isn’t because they realize they love each other deeply and didn’t try hard enough before parting ways over things that could have been resolved, then after a while, fundamental issues may start to surface again.
• Spend time together away from children to fix things. Do not let them enter your new romantic state until you are absolutely sure that they will stay together. You don’t want to break their hearts twice. Share your hopes, dreams, and expectations for the future. They may be very different people now; make sure you both want the same things.
• Get professional marriage counseling before making any announcements. A doctor will ask you the tough questions and help you resolve any lingering issues about the broken hearts that caused the breakup in the first place, such as finances, parenting differences, or infidelity. Don’t move on until both of you are really ready to forgive and forget.
• Lastly, don’t rush to do anything! Take the time you need to ensure that there is a strong commitment from both parties to make this relationship last a lifetime. This is a must whenever you remarry your ex-spouse.
